I am a simple girl. With simple wants and needs.
I like my coffee decaf with vanilla so that it barely tastes like coffee.
I like my books obscure enough to make me sound interesting, but basic enough that they don’t make me feel dumb.
I like my music Top 40.
I like my steaks medium rare. With some sort of buttery sauce.
And I like my Bachelor Leads to be as close to Ben Higgins, if not actually Ben Higgins, forever.
Don’t even get me started on the shit show that is Nick Viall’s season of the Bachelor. We’ll be here all day and I won’t be practicing Shine Theory, so I’ll refrain.
But, instead, I am just going to highlight this episode of ‘Bachelor Party’ (my Bachelor recap podcast of choice) on Channel 33 with guest, the one and only, Ben Higgins and THEN LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT HE ISN’T THE GREATEST BACHELOR WE NEVER KNEW WE HAD.
Funny. Kind. Apparently as of the record of this podcast works a totally boring, but stable sales job that says “My longterm plan isn’t to hawk Tummy Tea on Instagram.” He even gets a little deep on the episode and states clearly his views on women not using their overt sexuality to be good enough for a guy. Bravo!
I’m cutting myself off before this get’s weird. But I’m just saying. Ben. Come back to us. But don’t. Because that’ll mean that you and Lauren have broken up and I don’t want that for you.
So, I guess, keep coming back to be a guest on this podcast. And then continue to live your life in Colorado obscurity looking caught off gaurd and a little bit annoyed in Lauren’s Snapchat stories. Yes. That’s what I would like. We miss you.