I did a thing today where I skipped class. Normally I have class at 2:00, but I’ve been in a very thinky mood for roughly the past 17 hours, so instead I laid in my bed with my comforter over my head and read a new book two inches away from my face off my phone for three hours. The girls in the next room might’ve thought I was sleeping. I kind of wanted them to think I was. But I was just reading and thinking. And stopping every once and a while to not read and to just exclusively think. Or just to stare at the strands of hair sticking to my face and down my nose from the inside of the hood of my sweatshirt.
I did the same thing yesterday for a few hours too.
Days like these feel embarrassing to me. Or self indulgent. Partially because they are. And I wonder if I come off like I’m pouting about something. It feels like that to me, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it looks that way to the people I’m around. I find myself just wanting to be left alone. Not for any particular reason or out of anger. There are these moments when I find myself starting to barricade. I haven’t been able to figure it out. But it feels like it’s almost out of panic, I guess.
I’m sorting this out as I type. I feel unsure about making these statements; is this post embarrassing? No one answer that.
I don’t know what I want and I’m afraid that I won’t have enough time to figure that out. This is all hard.
58 degrees in Savannah, it feels colder to me
Sunny and wispy clouds
El Paso by Marty Robbins
Affair of the Heart by Rick Springfield
REI Socks, Gray sweats, Lakers hoodie, brown blanket
My credit card got declined earlier today
Graduation is 104 days away
Tempted to drive to Maine
or Paris or West
One day, I really am going to cut my own bangs and deal with the consequences.