WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

It seems like so far, every single day of this year has proven to hold with it a huge revelation. Something every day that makes me feel like it’s a new chapter. Or at least proving to me that the pages of the end of this college chapter are packing a huge punch. It’s helping me see that this time in my life isn’t a complete ending. I’m not dying. No one is getting killed off, but actually, I’m just still in the middle of it all. I really hope that makes sense.

These moments are weird. And sometimes totally out of left field. But often really obvious.

For example, yesterday, Frances and I decided to start reading the entire Lord of the Rings Series. This was a left field one.

Last week, like truck out of no where, I started thinking about the possibility of staying in Savannah for the summer and finishing my writing minor. Because, as I realized even more clearly today through a completely different and completely separate revelation all of its own, I love writing. But I only sometimes love fashion design. But I definitely always really like them both. As the idea of this really began to sink in, it was like someone tossed a handful of salt into the pot of soup that is the discussion of my future career. Which is something else I’ve realized: there are going to be no answers to any of this anytime soon– this whole job thing. It is basically the definition of a work in progress.

Today, I met with my career advisor and she told me I should be a writer. I didn’t bring it up and she didn’t even read any of my writing. But she saw the words “Writing Minor” on my resume and totally casually was all like “Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you want to be a writer.” Huh. And in my head, I thought, “Yeah. I do.”

***

It seems more every day that I’m going to end up being one of those people who, in ten years, you’re at a dinner party with and you’re in between dessert and the end of the dinner party– the part where you start pressing your finger onto the tablecloth over crumbs and roll them around between your thumb and your index– the part where inevitably people stop really listening to what everyone is actually saying because they’re pretty tired and just thinking of when the right moment to lead into the idea of leaving is– and the conversation turns to college somehow and someone asks, “What was your major, Julia?”
I’d say, “Actually, I was a fashion design major.”
“No way!”
“Yeah. I know. So crazy to think about.”
“Wow! I had no idea you did that.”
“Yeah.”
“So do you know how to sew and everything like that?”
“Yeah, I do, actually.”
“Oh my gosh- can you please make me something? I would totally pay you to make me something.”
“Sure!”

Sometimes that’s what it feels like now, when I’m in class or something– Like I’m learning and perfecting a skill that will soon be completely obsolete in my life. I never thought I’d be one of those people but, today, it really feels like I will be.

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