I started my senior year of college this week. That sentence is something that I don’t think I quite understand the gravity of yet. I, 21 year old Julia who sometimes still forgets to put on her deodorant in the morning, who still has some clothes in her closet from Jr. High, who hasn’t quite dropped that habit of inserting the word ‘like’ into the unnecessary parts of my sentences, started my very last, very most, veryest, year of college. This week. I mean, we all get how weird that is, right?
I remember being at church one day when I was a little kid, maybe five or six, and a college aged family friend was back in Newport visiting for the weekend. Everyone was so excited to see her and asking her tons of questions or just telling her how old and mature she looked. I remember thinking that I wanted to be her. And how it looked like she must just be on cruise control for the rest of her perfect, college aged life. So, spoiler alert: I was one million percent wrong. This week (and, let’s get real here, the last four years) has been a huge boiler room of alarms going off, screaming at me about things that I’m unprepared about, questions I can’t answer, problems I can’t fix and a deadline of real life getting uncomfortably close to becoming my life.
If you’ve read this blog for more than five minutes, this isn’t news to you. I’m a planner. A list-maker. A worrier. An over analyzer. A challenger. And, according to the Meyer’s Briggs test I took the other day an ISTJ (there is major debate within my roommates whether I doctored my answers to make the test say I was an introvert– it’s not secret that I think that introverts are supremely superior to extroverts). But guess what else I am? A hard worker. A trooper. A talker. A problem solver. And an introvert (I love the new introverted me). So why is it so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that the next year, and probably next handful of years, is probably, definitely, most certainly going to be uncomfortable, hard and I’m sure in some moments, down right bad, but that I can do it? Everyone does it! You have to do it! And that I just need to shut up about it!
BECAUSE I CAN’T. As cool as the introverted, arty girl persona is to me (and how fascinating people like that are in an almost zoo-like, observation driven obsession) I won’t ever be able to be that person. Suffering in silence is not my bag. Sitting in the corner and being shy would just be such a missed opportunity for people to laugh at my jokes. And not asking people a million questions just leaves me itching to hear what their answers would have been if I had asked. Like the embarrassment of going bra shopping in third grade, a whole two years before most of my twiggy friends, I’m accepting it and moving on.
SO WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
- This year is gonna suck some days. But it is my life’s goal right now to make it also a happy celebration of four years of living with my best friends during what are, arguably, the best years of my life so far. (This may sound dramatic, but this is where I’m coming from, people.)
- I’m gonna complain. I’m allowed to complain. I promise that I’ll work on cutting it down a whole lot. But it’s going to happen. And it’s going to happen on this blog. And when it does, can we all just give me some slack? Because I think sometimes I find that people need to complain. Or maybe just I do.
- There will be a lot of therapeutic soup making.
- I might regret this later, but I am stating now that I am more willing to make sacrifices on my senior project (and perhaps the integrity of my gpa) to be able to enjoy what is left of this golden blink called college.
But this is what has happened so far in just the first 7 days. And I gotta say… so far, so good.
Frances and I drove from Dallas to Savannah. I always love this time. That drive never really gets old for me. (Besides when I’m actually doing it… I could do without actually doing it. But besides that, I really like it.)
And then we went out to Abe’s to ring in the new year with Lindsay, Kara, and Oli. I can say with full confidence that this is my favorite bar in Savannah. Some may say that we’re locals.
And then I hit the ground running on my senior project. You better believe that I have a whole lot to say about this senior project. A whole lot. I’m going to be saying so much, in fact, that I’m going to dedicate a whole darn post on it. So stay tuned.
Frances and I are taking a class together for the first time since the beginning of freshman year. (Remember this video?) We barely knew each other then and the class wasn’t very good. Now I know Frances way better and this class is going to be amazing so I can appreciate it more when Frances does things in class that I think are funny.
And we hosted our first dinner party of the year last night. Claire made her delicious and famous pork tenderloin. Spencer made mashed potatoes. Frances made asparagus. Oli got the napkins out. I made carrots. I really like these people.
See what I mean? No stress yet.
But I promise you that it’s coming. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’ve been having a hard time blogging lately, and I feel like I haven’t been writing well. Take, for example, this entire post. I am about to post this, but I don’t really feel like I’ve actually said anything at all. Sentence structure fails me and my thesis is non existent. You guys still love me when my writing sucks though, right?