"It’s just hard."

I had a long talk with my mom last night (that may or may not have involved some tears– no comment).
After talking to her for a while, I was trying to collect my thoughts and my emotions (and the snot covering my blubbering face) by putting a verbal period at the end of our conversation. I was trying to put a label on what I was feeling so that it would be easier for me to process and grow in what’s going on and the space that I’m in.
I said to her, “Well, it’s not stress. I’m not stressed. I just feel…. overwhelmed? No. That’s not really it either. Sort of confused at what’s going on in life. Why is everything changing so quickly? Why is everything changing in the first place? What is a word for that time in life when everything is kind of uncertain and scary and challenging all day, everyday?”
And she looked at me in the most sympathetically matter-of-fact way, “Hard. It’s just hard.”
Yeah. She’s good.
It’s so crazy how something so simply put can sum up the mess of wires and knots going on in my brain. And when she said that, it hit me that although times like these are adjustment periods in life, there is nothing unfair or wrong or victimizing about life being challenging. Because guess what? That’s life! So, I’m trying to learn how to find the beauty in growth instead of looking at the sadness in change. It’s time for me to rise to the occasion. In spite of what my friends are doing, what my future looks like, where I live, or even something as gosh darn CLICHÉ as what I look like, it’s time for me to step up and take the challenge.
Easier said than done.
Wait a second– so growing up isn’t all cool loft apartments, with awesome jobs and hot boyfriends? It’s more like a constantly messy room, with long hours and perpetually single Friday nights with mom and dad? Oh… cool. Good to know.

3 thoughts on “"It’s just hard."

  1. I feel for you Juj. I, like you, do not accept change well AT ALL! So I have really just been in the mindset of enjoying each day as it comes and doing what I want/need to do that day. I try not to think about the future too much because like you said I become stressed and overwhelmed. Hang in there! You are a fantastic girl with a fantastic family who loves you and wants to help you in any way you need(: Love you!

  2. You make me sooo very proud — love who you are, love you.

    “I'm trying to learn how to find the beauty in growth instead of looking at the sadness in change.” … you're amazing.

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