I apologize in advance for the monstrosity that is this post. Whoever does read this (if anyone), thank you. It means a lot that someone is willing to read my blabber. Please comment with input. I value your opinions more than you know.
So, remember when I posted this little diddy about declaring my major? Well, I never thought I’d be one of those kids, but it seems that things may, in fact, be changing.
Let’s back up a little bit to get the full story:
It all started last Friday when I went to the first official Fashion Design meeting. The purpose of the meeting was to introduce the new chairman of the department and to talk about the upcoming events. I had been looking forward to the meeting all week and couldn’t wait to be amongst the other fashion students and get the ball rolling on my time in the Eckburg building. When I walked into the huge room where the meeting was taking place, an overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed overwhelmed me. Everyone in the room was so put together and intimidating and, me, little miss freshman over in the corner wanted to just about jump out of her skin. My eyes were darting all over the room the whole meeting and slowly adding up in my head all the reasons why I shouldn’t be there. I walked out of the meeting like a zombie and for the rest of the day (the rest of the weekend really) I was reeling from self-doubt completely convinced that fashion is totally a pipe dream and NOT where I’m supposed to be. What do I have to offer? There is no way that I’ll actually be able to do what I really want to do in fashion. My goals are impractical. Blah blah blah.
Still completely consumed in this storm of emotion, the last few days have been very introspective. Moody Jujie came to Savannah for a very unwelcome visit.
And as if I needed anything else to conjure up self-doubt, we all decided to take the Enneagram test on Saturday and, completely forgetting about the last time I took this test and how much I hated the (completely accurate) results, I was torn up by the negative parts of my apparently “challenging” personality. Enneagram, how dare you tell me that I’m domineering, intimidating and take pleasure out of controlling people! You don’t know me! I’m an 8 by the way….The Challenger…hate that. And for those of you who know what the Enneagram is and are arguing that there are positive and negative parts to each personality, let me ask you this: Would you rather be labeled as something like “The Enthusiast,” “The Loyalist,” “The Helper,” OR “THE CHALLENGER!!! RAAAWWRRRRR!!!!!” See what I mean?
Anyway, back to the subject:
So on Monday, I decided to leave the Pity Party and check out of Hopeless Hotel before overstaying my welcome. I was fairly productive all day (nothing to write home about) but at night we decided to go to kickboxing (absolutely loved it) and then check out the Fibers major club meeting. It’s no secret if you’ve read this blog at all for the last 5 months that I’m becoming more and more obsessed with knitting and crocheting. And the fact that my favorite gift this Christmas was a gift card to a yarn store should tell you something. And although I’m not involved with fibers right now, Claire is a fibers major, I had a class in the Fibers building last quarter and Spencer, Frances and me are all becoming increasingly interested in what that area has to offer.
We went straight from the gym to avoid getting there late and in turn, getting there about 30 minutes early. While we were waiting in the halls in awe of the beautiful felt installations and weaving that was displayed throughout the building, a woman stopped and asked us if we needed any help. We told her we were there for the meeting and she introduced herself to us as Kaioa (think Iowa) and she told us she was the chairman of the department. Once we told her we were all baby freshman still figuring out what we wanted to do, she asked if we had any questions and let us pick her brain until the meeting started. So, so helpful. Walking into the room, I already felt so welcome. There were about 20 people there all coming up to us and introducing themselves with big, friendly smiles (something surprisingly rare at SCAD). Turns out, last night was a yarn swap where everyone brings in extra yarn or fabric they have lying around and you can take whatever you want– and they let us take as much as we wanted even though we didn’t bring anything! Take that awesome grey skein of yarn? Don’t mind if I do. The rest of the yarn goes to a program one of the girls started at the local YMCA called “Loop it Up” where they teach kids how to craft, knit, crochet or whatever they want to learn. So cool. Through the meeting, I listened in on tons of conversations about all the cool things people are doing with fibers right now. Everything from working for Target designing their home good and children’s clothes to people working on farms harvesting alpaca wool.
I was also able to talk to this girl who is a Fibers major and Fashion minor and she had some great advice and insight. It was very helpful to hear from someone who had been in a similar position as me now. Also! Did I mention the whole thing also was a potluck!? Food and Fibers! What’s not to love!?
All this to say that by the end of the night, there were some major planning explosions going off in my head. A decision that I thought I had finally settled on is being tossed around in my head right now and I’m back at a place I hate. A place of not knowing what to do.
So here are the facts as of right now:
- I love fashion.
- I love fibers.
- I want both of them to be in some way apart of my life.
The major decision now is to sit down and figure out what I want my ultimate career goal to be and then decide which of those will get me there easier. Easier said than done.
Oh! And then there’s writing! Which is still so intriguing to me and becoming more and more of a passion of mine. Ughhh…
I guess this all boils down to the fact that there is so much I want to learn for the first time in my life and the path I take is completely up to me. This is terrible and great at the same time. So I guess this is a good thing?