SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!

Let’s start here.

Frankie Valli said it best.

“This is a life of illusion, a life of control
Mixed with confusion – what’re we doin’ here?”

Oh, my dear Frankie. It seems that you and I are grappling with the same questions, my sweet, tiny, Italian boy! Wait, is Frankie Valli still alive?

Things on my mind:

-My job
-HOW FRANKING CHARACTER BUILDING NOT HAVING AC IS
-Political things. Note the avoidance of the word “politics” bc I’m just so sick of politics, but I’m more interested in talking and thinking about political things. And being a feminist. And liking our country how it is. And wanting to see change. And really hating Donald Trump. But being confused alsooooooooo.
-Hobbies. Creativity. Action items. Goals. All in one steaming pie.
-How badly I don’t want the word “single” to be on this list. But it is. It’s on the list.
-Makeup. Minimalist makeup. No makeup at all. Wearing a ton of makeup and why that’s ok too!
-Upstate New York in the fall
-Long-distance friendships
-Friendships right here right now
-Tattoos! What? Who am I? And how getting a tattoo at a transitional stage of life is like, not the best idea. But is also the exact time to get one, no!?
-Food. Balance. Life being too short to not eat the pasta. And then seeing a photo of an unhealthier you where you’re like “Woah.”

 

It’s Almost May

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I moved a few weeks ago. Out of my parents house and in to my very first adult apartment. It’s been wonderful. And really scary. Other things:
– Groceries cost more money than I thought they would.
– Once, I turned the oven on, left for work, and wouldn’t you know it? When I stopped by the apartment to eat my lunch that day (that’s also a thing I do now) the apartment was very warm and smelled like insurance claims.
– There’s a cool, old, green truck that parks across the alley from my apartment. It belongs to my neighbor who is nice enough.
– I’ve eaten more vegetable and less dessert than my 10 year old self would have imagined for ourself if given the opportunity to eat anything we wanted whenever we wanted. Proud/ashamed.
– I have a wall of bookshelves full of books and memories that makes me happier than I can say.
– The lightbulb in my room has been out for almost two weeks.
– I can’t stop walking around my neighborhood.
– Still up for grabs on my hypothetical not-engaged/not-pregnant but healthy-responsible-single-adult-female-lady-doing-it-for-herself registry are 1. a stand mixer 2. a food processor 3. outdoor table/chairs. Don’t be shy. Help a sista out. I bought you that thing for your wedding, remember?

I’ve been doing online dating. Which is terrible. And hilarious. And mostly terrible. Everyone who is single is doing it in some shape or form and if they say they’re not, they’re lying. Who knew that in the year 2016 and on the planet earth, you would be able to talk, at length, with your friends, about bad dates that were set-up, in large part, by your telephone?

I’d really like to go on more dates but I’d prefer the men (boys? …men.) to be considerably less bizarre. This is as diplomatically stated as I can possibly muster.

In case this hasn’t been clearly stated on this blog in a few years, I’M DEFINITELY SINGLE AND MY CALENDAR IS DEFINITELY OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES…

Requirements: 
– A Christian. Preferably a real one. And when I say ‘real,’ I’m not here to judge people’s personal faith’s. I am shooting for someone that doesn’t say they are a Christian and then spends 6-12 minutes of a date making fun of Christians and God and the Bible study that you just mentioned you’re really invested in. That’s just an example of a story I heard from a friend…
– Conversational. I told my friend, Dionna, that I really like to talk about myself. I know it. You know it. I could do it all day. Ask me a question about myself. I’ll happily answer it. And then some. But even if this is something that we all know, the fact that I can say that to Dionna with a straight face, and she wasn’t instantly and totally annoyed with me, means she’s a true friend. Anyway– I’d like to date someone who doesn’t mind that about me either. But also is easy enough to talk to that I can shut up sometimes and just listen. I really hate having to come up with all of the questions.
– Mildly good-looking. Hey. I mean..
And also, I’m not saying “mildly” because I’d like to downplay my vanity. No sir. I’m shooting for a solid 7/10. I don’t have time the upkeep, you know?
– Kind. This is the tip of a way larger conversation including, but not limited to: my childhood, defense mechanisms, sarcasm and a whole mess of therapy, but basically, I think I’m learning that I’m more fragile than I’d originally estimated. In the past few years, I’ve learned that there’s a tender side of me that just wants someone to treat gently.

Preferences:
– Funny. He doesn’t have to be as funny as me. Actually, he won’t be as funny as me.
– Adorable, which is different than “mildly good-looking” because adorable is in the eye of the beholder. And while we’re here, under this same “Looks” umbrella, I’d like to mention that it wouldn’t hurt if he resembled any of the 7 male leads in the cast of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Except for Daniel.
– Prone to eating
– Someone who is attracted to little to no muscle definition, but a great personality
– Not a total stranger suggested to me by an algorithm. Can I get a “what what” for meet cutes?
– NOT THE MOST BORING PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WHICH WEIRDLY SEEMS TO BE EVERYONE I EVER GO ON DATES WITH.

Hard No’s:
– White sunglasses
– Singer/Songwriters

Enough on that. I won’t mention it again for five years. Hopefully, I won’t have to mention it again in 5 years. How did I just spend the last 45 minutes on that tangent?

In other news:

This article on kitchens made me cry?

Chrissy Teigen’s new cookbook is actually as amazing as you never would have guessed it would be. And more.

Watched this webseries in one sitting and now I want to be best friends with Julia Kramer more than ever before.

I’m following through with projects that I’ve been talking about for months. Not putting pressure or deadlines, but I’m working on moving forward.

Without spilling all on here about my job situation (cause Google searches are a thing and I really like my job) (Hi, coworkers who may or may not read this blog), I currently feel stuck between a position that I feel like I’m growing out of and a position that, although perhaps a positive challenge and moving in a generally right direction, lacks very little excitement and/or appeal to me. Hello, pensive Julia with bags packed for a new adventure (read: running from difficult times of growth). Hello, millennial with a complex about only spending her life doing things she’s passionate about. That being said, homegirl’s not going anywhere for a while. Could I be any more elusive?

I knew this year was going to be so freaking good. I knew it.

 

Moving parts

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Feeling a little ready to run today. Nashville. Seattle. An old but cozy barn somewhere where maple syrup can be made directly from a tree in my frozen front yard. Where I can complain about being cold for the first winter, but proud of myself when summer comes and ready to face it again when the next fall rolls around. I want it to be 1992 and I want to be wearing a lot of bulky, lightweight fabric with wire rim glasses drinking wine with a kind, but sort of arrogant boyfriend discussing the future of the internet. That’s where my head is right now. Or even in a sun drenched studio creating things with friends. I’d be real happy with that.

I’d really rather be there. Especially instead of writing code and talking about hosting and trying really hard to learn SQL.

I’m also very curious what’s next and how I get there. An exciting daydream, but a dangerous one to wish for something that does not yet exist when the place you are living in is very real and very good.

Instead of feeling dumpy about my life right now and the less glamorous, but very high in hours, very consuming parts of my job, I’m trying to shift my focus on two things:

  1. The patience that must come with not knowing what’s down the line.
  2. What can I do about it TODAY. Like, when I get home from work in 1 hour and 58 minutes + regular traffic, what are the steps that I can take to feel like I’m make strides towards my future.

Here are a few things that I’ve come up with since typing that last sentence:

  • Start packing up my room. This is exciting, yes? I’m finally moving into my own place with my friend, Kaylee and this should not be minimized. I don’t feel like my life is moving forward? Well, that’s a downright lie! I can afford to move out. And that’s a big deal.
  • Balance my bank account… I mean, I don’t really know if the phrase “balance my bank account” really means what I think it means, but basically, my intent with that is to just take stock of my spending for the last few weeks and make sure we’re all on the same page. And by “we” I mean me, myself and I. The Corporation of Julia Patton Singular and Fabulous. Money has been spent like pre-drought water over here this month (remember when I mentioned moving out?) and that needs to be pulled. back.
  • Clean my room. Never not on the list. Life feels better when I can see my floor.
  • DO NOT look at highly styled and highly idealized photos of other people’s lives. This is unproductive for my own life. And arguably not good for theirs either. Although, small businesses are cool and I don’t want to dog them for just doing what they do, which is styling really sick, mouthwatering pictures of life stuff.

I think those are all good places to start. Maybe, if I’m feel real ambitious, I can throw a little bit of creative productivity on the pile.

Down the Hall from the Reception Desk

Hey-o. It’s Friday, my friends. The week has been conquered and it’s just another brick in the wall until we all bite the dust, but we made it. And we have two whole days to be happy, positive thinking, and well-rested people until Monday comes around and complaining is a thing we do and we start this whole crazy train back up again. The journey of life rolls on. Whether we like it or not. So. That’s something to think about…

On a happier note, I am feeling pretty posi about a lot of things in life. Yes, I remember what I wrote approximately three days ago. No, I have not technically been diagnosed with any sort of personality disorder. What I do know is that I am a woman with a right to feel the feelings I feel.  And if you don’t like it…. well, guess what? YOU DON’T HAVE TO MARRY ME THEN.

(Sidenote: Lately, I’ve really been peeling the paint off of this old truck and revealing a whole lotta emotions on this blog. I don’t hate it. Not sure what you guys think about it because who even knows. I do know that my mom likes it more when I’m quick and funny instead of grey and melancholy. I understand her point, but I tend to feel a little bit more loosey-goosey on where I think that Overshare Line really lives. Plus, according to my analytics that WordPress so handily provides me, it seems that about 20 of you are reading this. Which is basically about the size of a small classroom. And I definitely remember oversharing with people in my class alllll through school and people being really chill about it, so, I feel like this is a safe place. Wanted to touch on that, real quick in case anyone was interested on my thought process there.)

Anywho, here are a few things that I like on the internet and beyond this week.

Virtually forwarding this to every single post-grad female I know. Must read.

Spring uniform. 

Very much encouraging everyone I know to please listen to the most recent episode of the Burnt Toast Podcast called “Fat isn’t bad, Stupid is bad” bc that will prevent me from explaining it to you in tedious detail like I did for hours with my mom and my sister last weekend. Basically, Nutritious>Healthy. Can I get an amen?

Spent some real real time going back and reading this series on Man Repeller. Kind of my all time favorite thing to know about people are the nitty gritty details of how they fell in love with their person.

“What ever happened to all of TV’s most famous couples?” The answer will shock you. 

Actually couldn’t love Aidy Bryant more.

Actually couldn’t love Aidy Bryant more: Part II. 

Just bought this jacket which was definitely a smart financial move and makes total sense because it’s 80 degrees here right now. Real excited to force-wear it and sweat all over you.

Not to brag or anything, but I made ricotta last night and it was rull easy and rull delicious.

Ok, well, that’s it from me, but if you’re ever going to listen to anything I say, listen to this: please do something fun this weekend. Be a little bit selfish. Not selfish in a sinful way that will hurt people. But selfish in the way that lets go of whatever weird guilt society has encouraged us to feel when we want to stay and bed and read a book or spend hours going on a walk when you probably should be cleaning your house or doing homework or cleaning your andirons– and you probably don’t even have andirons!

 

San Francisco

 

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Perfect weekend with my mom and my sister in San Francisco. This was the first of what is now officially reserved to be an annual Girl’s Weekend. Although my mom and I live nearby each other (like… down the hall), my sister lives in Seattle and is getting her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Which is code for “we miss her” and also “we don’t get enough time together.”

The weekend was filled with lots of walking, lots of eating, and lots of interrupting each other.

I hadn’t been to San Francisco in maybe 10+ years and dang is it just gorgeous up there. That mix of ocean and trees is my happy place and especially when you factor in the 73 degree weather we had for the entire weekend.

Shocking to no one, I realized some stuff this weekend that I’m still thinking about and working through today. For some reason, being in the city felt sometimes overwhelming to me. There is a huge part of me that loves the constant motion of a busy city, but on the last three or four city-ish vacations I’ve been on, I’ve been experiencing an interesting sense of anxiety about my life. It’s a bizarre cycle because this anxiety doesn’t come out of pure fear or dread or a root of negative emotion. Typically, I come off of these little trips feeling really extremely inspired and happy and refreshed and full of ideas and then, usually right when I’m about to go home, I get this heavy feeling of inadequacy and idea-flooding. The feeling of a million things to do all at once and no where to start. The feeling of not enough hours in the day or not enough money or time or skill to even try. The feeling that I have to be as good/better as people/things I am a fan of. Even though, that’s kind of unrealistic and is making me stop before I even start.

There’s also this whole other layer of stress about the state of the world slash our country slash children slash the value of gold. But that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, I’m trying to take that feeling and turn it from frustrating into motivating. Not every idea I have about where I want my life to go or the things I want to learn/improve on needs to go from 0-100 overnight. Nor is there any sort of window that closes where cool ideas and inspiration can’t be revisited. I just need to start somewhere. I’m also realizing that although I am in no means a perfectionist, I have noticed that unless I know that something is going to be amazingly prolific and/or nearly flawless, I don’t even try. Which any cliched motivational quote will tell you is silly.

Here are three things that I want to start (small) with:

(we’ll go from small to medium to large in the scale of ideas that feel scary)

Calligraphy. I’ve wanted to learn dang calligraphy for ohhh… maybe three years now. No disrespect all of the very talented calligraphers out there, but calligraphy is not rocket science. Julia. Go to YouTube. Grab a piece of paper. Start small.

Children’s clothes. This is another idea that’s been rolling around for a few years now with zero movement. See that dusty little tab on the left side of this page that says “Shop Bushka”? Yeah… about that… I think I could make some pretty dang cute kid’s clothes. And I definitely know how. What is stopping me from spending a little bit of time on getting the Baby Bushka ball rolling? (A PERFECT NAME FOR A KID’S CLOTHING LINE, NO?). Who even knows. Actually, I do. It’s the feeling that there are better, cuter, more original kids clothes out there and I don’t want to be just another person selling stupid stuff on Etsy.

…but it wouldn’t be. It’d be cute and cool.

Podcast (?!?&%#*) Ok. This one feels rulllll scary. I kind oooofff….. want to start a podcast? This is a new idea. But I’m really excited by it. I want to talk to people that I think are inspiring and cool and ask them really personal questions about their lives and careers and hobbies and favorite things to do right when they wake up in the morning. Because that’s actually maybe my favorite thing to do. Is that so weird? Would that be so extremely awkward? What if no one listens to it and I’m just speaking to a void that doesn’t exist (cough cough… this blog… cough cough) and then I look like a delusional person who starts off every episode with “Hey, guys!” But there is no “guys” and I just sound crazy? Do I interrupt too much to start a podcast/ Do I talk too much about myself to start a podcast? But then, I’m all like ‘Why do I care if people care that it’s weird?’ WHY NOT TRY?!

CHILDREN, LISTEN TO ME. THE ONLY THING STOPPING YOU IN YOUR LIFE IS YOU AND THAT IS THE REALEST THING. WATCH ME FLY OR GO AWAY FOREVER, PLEASE!

Anyways.

More on this later.

All I know is that  this weekend was really fun. And I’ve just decided that I’m getting rid of the TV that is in the guest room that is actually my room because IT’S BRINGING ME DOWN AND I DON’T NEED THAT NEGATIVITY IN MY LIFE.

Catch Up

Happy Friday, friends!

I’m feeling kind of off today because I’ve been having lots of dreams about smoking pot lately. And I had one last night. Which is kind of throwing me this morning. Probably mostly because I’ve never done that in real life. (One time in college, I said that I had. But that wasn’t true. I was trying to be cool and also shut down an annoying person who was patronizing me… it’s a long story. I apologized for lying.) Anyway, I’m really wondering what that’s all about. Google is telling me all sorts of different things. Will continue to research.

Thanks to my bizarre dreams, restless sleep had me up extra early this morning. Which was a bit problematic due to the fact that I was up extra late last night packing for a little weekend jaunt to San Francisco this weekend with my mom and my sister and spending time with my other sister, Dionna. Friendship is a real gift. But friendships that are closer than just friendships are more than a gift. They’re like a perfectly chilled glass of water. You just feel better after drinking it in. It’s a health thing almost.

Special things that happened in the last 7 days:

My dear friend, Natalie, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I’m honored. I didn’t cry. But I wanted to. I tried to. It didn’t happen. But my insides were crying. I said yes. Of course. OF COURSE! of course.

My dad and I made a bench. A through and through, life-giving, and perfect way to spend time. And it’s so comfortable! Which no one believes. Because it’s just wood. But I swear, it’s bizarre how comfortable it is. Everyone who sits in it says so. I promise.

My friend Oli is a designer for Kate Spade. And she designed a hat. A hat which is so Oli. A hat which made it’s debut at New York Fashion Week today. There were a lot of other things too. But I’m proud of the hat. It’s making me so proud of her and her hard work and I’m super happy to be able to call her a good friend. So cool. So real. So proud.

I purchased a pink fuzzy sweater that just arrived in the mail.

FINALLY ate at Sqirl. Got to see that Lauren Gillan that I love so much.

I went to Pressed Juicery three very separate times in a row this week. Is summer here? It feels like it. (Size 1, Vanilla with Pink Himalayan Salt for all you secret admirers out there trying to score some JP points).

In other news:

Unrelated to Valentine’s Day, singleness is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. To give a little bit of context and to call it like it is (this blog is a safe space, right? we’re all friend here) I’m 24 and I’ve never been in a relationship. And it’s something I’m insecure about. And though it has bothered me more on a “what’s wrong with me?” level before, at this point, it’s just kind of like a little gnat that gets in the way of things that are right in front of me.

Dionna and I talked about it a lot last night in a really honest, encouraging, transparent way. We talked about how I feel like I have major walls up around guys for some reason (or actually, for really specific reasons that I have a pretty good idea about, if I’m being honest). We also talked about how there are so many different ways of being confident in yourself. And even though you have some mastered, there are still a bucket of ways that are terrifying and really hard to tackle. We talked about how guys are still a super crazy confusing mystery to me that I’m intimidated by. And we also talked about how people meet people in the most random of ways and that in the meantime, it’s best to… for lack of a better term, ‘do you.’ I really like my life right now. And yeah, there’s still a lot to figure out, but I’m feeling pretty on it. And happy. And, as I’ve mentioned on here before, I’m really working on enjoying and being grateful for this time. For me, right now, that looks like lots of reading, lots of learning, creative experimentation, treating my body better, treating myself better. Because, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: You have be your own #1 shorty before you can be someone else’s #1 shorty.

Still sorting this one. Is this interesting to read?

Meanwhile, I don’t have lots of links today, but I do have a playlist that you can look at as either devoted to Valentine’s Day or having nothing to do with it. Thanks for reading this, if you are. You mean a lot to me.

Down the Hall from the Reception Desk

Keeping it short. Here are some links from around the web this week. Hope your week is going well.

My new favorite website.

Valentine’s Day reading. So excited to dive into this one.

Speaking of, my all time favorite deep dive tumblr: Old Loves. 

Looking forward to more of this.

I’ve already made this cheesecake three times in the last two months. So easy and soooo cheeeesyyyy.🙂

As far as observations go, how fun is the word ‘collage’ to say? Col-laagggee… Co-laaagee… It kind of rolls around in your mouth. I love it.

Been loving the Modern Love articles in the NYT for years, so I’m pretty pumped about the podcast version.